How Cis Privilege Silences Trans Women – Even in Queer Spaces
A Call to Action to Support a “Direct Giving Campaign”
This is about spreading awareness, not blame, and ensuring no one falls through the cracks
by Sondra Wilson. Written July 21, 2025.

Due to the fact that the Republican Party of Iowa infiltrated and undermined the State of Iowa via subverting Iowa’s law code, [1] it is not safe at this time for transgender women to work in Iowa. Although some have found a safe job where they are treated well, many of us have not. Even for those who do have that safety, they still dangle from a string: only one false allegation away from being fired for no reason and having our reputations crushed in the public eye. I know this all too well.

Although other trans people face this vulnerability as well, trans women, particularly, become the targets of harassment and political attacks more frequently. Stories of family and community rejection are common. When we come out, our social safety net snaps and falls out from underneath us.  For those among the queer community who can choose to come out to certain people and not to others, that choice, and the safety one benefits from being able to rely on that choice, is a form of privilege that is similar to white privilege: it is an unrecognized privilege one doesn’t realize they’ve been benefitting from until a member of the affected class brings it to their attention. This is what is meant by “privilege within the queer community”.

It is time for this message to be known widely among the queer community and our allies: cis privilege exists even within queer spaces. Although members of the community are generally safe within queer circles, when we walk out of those circles, many trans women such as myself, do not have the option to “come out” only to “safe” people. We don’t have the luxury to come out to certain people and not to others, or to come out at the time of our choosing. When you’re out, you’re out. 

Dangling by a Thread

I know from firsthand experience that harassment, poverty, and being shut out of legal, social, and even nonprofit support systems can be the norm. They might tell the outside world their version of the story, designed to dismiss the credibility of the impacted individual, however — without all the facts — it amounts to slander.  Behind the scenes, those who are in charge, who have the money, who hold the cards, are fully aware of what they’re hiding from the public. 

For those who become ostracized by such attacks, there is no social safety net to rely on. In public, open harassment, commonplace bigotry, talking about us behind our backs, and dealing with political attacks by politicians and in the media, designed to turn public opinion against us, are the norm.

A false accusation can function like a conviction in the eyes of a judgmental society. The “what ifs…” that linger in the backs of people’s minds work quietly to erode our credibility.

These factors, combined with plausible deniability, are weaponized by predators, as is the case I am facing within the Lockwood/Reliable issue. My story is being repressed and twisted by bad actors within those communities, thereby serving to further harm and bring into question my reputation.

That case is ongoing: their high-powered attorney versus me, buried in paperwork while he twists the story within his filings, threatening to countersue, requesting the court to issue sanctions against the person they’re already abusing, and sitting on his ass getting paid to abuse someone through the courts, knowing full-well that I am scrambling to meet strict court deadlines and struggling to survive. No media support. No monthly donations from concerned community members. No legal support: I can’t afford a $5000 retainer to hire an attorney, and free legal aid organizations in Iowa cannot take “fee-generating cases”. They tend to only help with tenant/landlord and divorce/custody issues. The Iowa Civil Rights Commission is ranked 50th in the nation among the 50 states, and uses a rigged charged-processing system that tilts cases in favor of businesses, and against victims. [2] Under the Reynolds and Trump regimes, we’re attacked instead of protected. Our only shot at justice is to learn how to fight in court ourselves, and pray for support to come in.

Atop everything else we are dealing with, trans folk who are medically transitioning now have the added expense of affording hormones.

I am currently being put into the unreasonable position of: “give up your case and let them further abuse you through a countersuit”, or “fight the case, but don’t have time to earn money”. I am living on a very small amount of occasional donations right now that occasionally hit my Venmo (@Sondra-Wilson-777), in a state where it is unsafe to work.

Although I don’t know any other trans women going through what I am going through, there are undoubtedly stories out there that aren’t hitting the media. I am blessed to have a website and to have the skills to have founded a political organization, thereby giving me a voice. I now speak up: I now sue and press charges, not just for myself, but for every person out there who is getting beat down by the system, doesn’t know as much about the law system as me, and whose story remains untold as they continue to suffer.

 

No Help in Sight

Attorneys often avoid taking our cases, afraid to risk their reputations. Police abuse goes unchecked. Media rarely covers our stories (accurately), and even close friends stay silent out of fear of retribution, financial fallout, or backlash from others in the community. I have been told by more than one close friend this very thing: they are afraid to show any public support due to backlash they might face.

Above image from Amnesty International utilized for First Amendment purposes in accordance with the U.S. Copyright Office’s Fair Use Policy and the Fair Use Doctrine. [3]

This leaves us isolated, searching constantly for “safe” people while also being vulnerable to predatory behavior, including defamation even from those who claim to be allies.

For the few who do show support, it can become too much for one person to sponsor. Leaving us is a way to relieve themselves of sharing a burden they have the option not to carry.

Meanwhile, in this society, people often spend more on dogs and cats than on helping unhoused or marginalized humans. Think about that: people literally spend more on dogs and cats than on helping homeless people, who instead they often just walk by and judge, knowing nothing about that that person is going through.

If you cannot relate to these types of hardships that I am facing, that may be more of a result of safety your cis privilege has brought to you without your having known or thought about it being a factor. Instead of offering to help, people might make excuses or victim blame, sharing their opinions about what Sondra ought to do, without actually having a full-scope knowledge about her credentials or story, so the unaided burden is on me to convey in its entirety. Then, people are more quick to offer critique than support, and that too, is a problem.

Pointing out that cis privilege exists even in the queer community is not a judgment or an accusation — it’s simply an acknowledgment that, like white privilege, some people benefit from safety and acceptance without realizing it. Just as many white people didn’t recognize white privilege until it was named during the early days of the BLM movement, many in the queer community may not yet have considered how some of us move through the world with far greater risk.

For example, many lesbian, gay, or even some trans people who pass as cis — or who can stay closeted in certain settings — have the ability to choose when, and to whom, they disclose their identity to. That choice itself is a form of privilege. It’s not inherently wrong — but it must be acknowledged. Because right now, trans women — especially those who are visibly trans everywhere we go — need more support, more understanding, and more material help than others under the trans umbrella who may face fewer barriers to employment, safety, or family acceptance.

Please Do Not Give to Non-Profits *Instead* of Performing Direct Giving

Many people may want to help people like me, and so they might give money to a tax-deductible nonprofit, thinking that the money will make its way down. This, however, is far less helpful to me than direct giving, and in fact creates an additional burden on we who are within the community who desperately need direct support.

OneIowa – cannot help me in any way, shape, or form because I am running for office.

Ames Pride – offers me the ability to pay for a booth every year to participate in Pride. It is an extra expense and application, and does not lift me up other than that one day of outreach, however I have never been given enough donations to cover the entry fee. It is always a net loss and financial burden.

Iowa Trans Mutual Aid Fund – requires us to apply every month, which amounts to extra homework. This month when I applied, again they had no records of our previous conversations, so it was like starting the conversation anew. They asked what surgeries I would like to get, and told me that in about two weeks I will hear back from them. The last two times I applied to get help with surgery, I got about $100. This did not go toward my surgery because I was in absolute survival mode, as I am now.

Direct Giving Campaign

I am promoting a direct giving campaign: without being prompted: check in with someone who is medically transition, and ask them how they are doing, and if they need help. You will likely hear a lot of burden and hardship. Brace for it. Hear it, and have money in your hand to give them. If it is a small amount – like $5 or $20 – make it a monthly commitment. One time donationa run out, but a handful of community members giving $20/month for trans community at this time can help us not fall through the cracks during this very difficult, traumatic, vulnerable time. For those of you who do this, I thank you sincerely from the bottom of my heart – whoever it is for whom you decide to help.

Trans Women are Especially Vulnerable

Trans women — and particularly trans femme people — are overwhelmingly represented among those we honor on Transgender Day of Remembrance.

Above image by Jen Christensen utilized for First Amendment purposes in accordance with the U.S. Copyright Office’s Fair Use Policy and the Fair Use Doctrine. [4]

We are the main targets of political attacks and often bear the brunt of societal backlash. In places like Iowa, it is especially dangerous for us right now. We need support — not just from allies, but from within our own queer community. If we don’t speak up about these dynamics, they’ll continue to be overlooked. And it shouldn’t take another tragedy to wake people up — it should take our voices being heard and taken seriously.

For those of us trans women who do not have financial stability, and who are fighting in the courts and standing up, I humbly request that those who give to nonprofits to help homeless people, instead give a portion of those funds to activists who are performing effective, meaningful work.

Again, while some trans women have found safe communities, others of us are out in the public eye, facing harassment and ridicule, living on crumbs while pushing the ball forward. Unlike other members within the queer community, trans women, particularly — and some trans men who are still early on in transition —

Medical Expenses on Top of Lack of Safety

In Iowa, we’re now legally discriminated against in the workplace. On top of that, gender-affirming care has been cut off. That means we face higher medical costs while it’s increasingly unsafe — even life-threatening — to exist openly. Many of us are now living with the added pain of watching others in our community afford luxuries and vacations while we struggle to afford basic care. Those of us undergoing medical transition urgently need financial help to access hormones and other care. That may mean others in the community occasionally forgoing a concert or purchase to help those of us at the bottom. Without that solidarity, things will continue to get worse.

For Those of Us Who Are Standing Up and Fighting, Do Not Suggest We Leave the State

Some may suggest we leave the state, but those of us who choose to stand our ground and fight for change deserve to be supported — not erased, abandoned, or ignored. When we are standing up and working to change things – lawsuits, etc., we should not be told to leave the state by allies. We should be recognized for our efforts, checked in with, and supported and lifted up for doing this important work that will not get done if we don’t do it.

Raising Awareness, Expanding Conversations

Talking about privilege is not about blame — it’s about awareness. Just as learning to talk about white privilege helped many grow and reflect, we now need to have honest conversations about the different forms of privilege within our own community. We must make space for these hard truths.

I want to be clear: this isn’t about calling anyone out. It’s about shining a light on a lived reality that’s too often ignored.

Thank You for Reading

I’m doing my best to speak a hard truth in a way that people can actually hear. My words may not be perfect, but the message matters. I hope people will listen — and take it to heart.

As my story continues to come forward, I believe my credibility will eventually show through. Over the years, seven of my mentors passed away from untimely deaths, and thus I have less on paper than I should. It will be much work to get to that point.

Until then, it is only by private donations that I survive — and that others like me survive. If you’ve read this far, please let it move you to act.

References

[1]: Sostaric, Katarina. (Feb. 28, 2025). Iowa governor signs law removing civil rights protections for transgender Iowans. NPR News. https://www.iowapublicradio.org/state-government-news/2025-02-27/iowa-lawmakers-removes-transgender-gender-identity-civil-rights-protections.

[2]. Grundmeier, Lucas. (Nov. 15, 2023). Opinion: Iowa Should Stop Tilting the Scales in Civil Rights Cases, The Des Moines Register, www.desmoinesregister.com/story/opinion/editorials/2023/05/14/iowa-civil-rights-commission-tilting-scales/70204156007/.

[3]: Amnesty International on X. https://x.com/amnestyusa/status/552181280591187968

[4]: Christensen, Jen. (Jan. 17, 2019). Killings of transgender people in the US saw another high year. CNN. https://www.cnn.com/2019/01/16/health/transgender-deaths-2018/index.html.